Everything we overdo is to hide what we lack


If you over work, over eat, over spend, over drink, over shop, overbinge, over watch TV, over indulge in social media, news media, pornography, gambling, drugs – it is because YOU have a HOLE – a lack of something – in Your Spiritual or Emotional Element.

This is a VOID that we have. There is something lacking or missing IN OUR LIFE.

These binges or excesses are an over compensation – which is doing one thing too much to make up for or to correct another thing.

As a consequence of continuing with theses EXCESSES we ultimately create other new Binges. Usually, the consequences are more destructive ones you already have to deal with.

How to we acquire these ‘Overs” – basically because our little internal motor likes dopamine hits:

  1. Over eating may be to overcome feelings of powerlessness, or anxiety, or fear.
  2. Over drinking could be to hide boredom or stress or need for company.
  3. Over spending or shopping is usually to hide feelings of insecurity or lack of acceptance or approval or trying to keep up with others’
  4. Over binging on TV is usually to hide feelings of inadequacy, or meaninglessness, or simply laziness (just easy to do). Result you can become ‘brain dead’.
  5. Over working could be to be hide lack of significance or an insatiable need for validation or the need to acquire “more things”.
  6. Over indulgent in social news or porn or drugs or gambling usually hide feelings of self-worth, helplessness or hopelessness or simply feeding our innate voyeurism.


It is very difficult to change the excess or the problem behaviour that we over do –because it is a reaction to the problem. It is most often futile to change any “OVER” in this manner.  

You are in reality FIGHTING AGAINST the addiction or the “OVER”.

INSTEAD – ask yourself – WHAT is the HOLE?

WHAT is the LACK that this excess is over compensating for?

So finding the HOLE – the reason for the binge habit – and working on plugging the HOLE that is causing them is a lot more efficient and effective.

As it turns out all types of binge addictions – have similar causes.

All types of binges are ways of dealing with negative emotions which are not rational or healthy.

Let’s face it – we are surrounded by negative emotions of fear, anxiety, pain, disaster every day. And if we feed these by our associations, daily habits, what we watch, read, hear and listen to – the negative emotions are magnified and magnetic. They become part of our Inner Motor.

They could in time become fully fledged disorders characterized by intense feelings of powerlessness, secrecy, shame, social isolation – probably even serious medical conditions.

Other EXCESES could be:

  1. Excessive gossiping could hide shame and being inadequate
  2. Excessive judgement is usually due to feelings of being inadequate or insecure
  3. Excessive snobbery is usually a way of hiding insecurity or feeling uncertain about oneself.
  4. Even shyness can hide insecurity and fear of being judged and not accepted
  5. Excessive loudness could hide being uncomfortable with yourself – so you dominate the environment by being extra talkative, extra gregarious, extra drunk, or silly. It is a facade to keep others form seeing the real you.
  6. Excessive talking is usually to hide feeling awkward or insecure – so they turn this anxiety into constant chatter
  7. Excessive excuse making is usually to hide lack of confidence, shame, fear.

So – as you can see – it is really difficult (almost impossible) to fix the behaviour if you first don’t PLUG THE HOLE that it is over compensating for.

Unless you find the reason WHY these OVERS are ingrained in your subconscious – your diet plan, your fitness plan, your relationship plan, your financial plan, your absence from porn, or social media or news media – won’t change and will deepen – with possible deep consequences to your family, your friendships, your finance and business life.

None will last unless you find the source of the EXCESS and PLUG the HOLE

For every excessive behaviour or bad habit you have – ask yourself – WHAT IS THIS COMPENSATIONG FOR?

WHERE IS THE HOLE? What is the deep root of this excess? WHAT IS THIS COMPENSATIONG FOR?

Go to work on plugging that first – then the excessive behaviour can be removed, reduced or controlled.

This is an easier way to redirect or correct the behaviour


  1. Being AWARE that there a problem is essential and this requires some HUMILITY.
  2. Being game enough to explore the WHY these exist requires COURAGE – because you are opening yourself up to the reality of your life and moving away from the best version of yourself.
  3. What are the binge behaviours you have – make a list?
  4. Give thought to the HOLE that you are compensating for?

Some Examples to Change behaviours by finding and attacking the source

Find WHAT TRIGGERS that bad behaviour so you can attack the source of that behaviour.  

  1. If you are over eating and you tell yourself I shouldn’t do that, I shouldn’t do that – I agree you shouldn’t. But if the thing that triggers you to over eat is that you don’t feel good about yourself – all you are doing by mentally reprimanding yourself is setting yourself up to fail again. You need to distract yourself by drinking some water, take a look outside, move from where you and stay away from the fridge or snack bar or coffee bar. Or replace your present high sugar, high calorie foods with a myriad of assorted nuts, small carrots, small cucumbers, fruit – so that your WILLPOWER is not constantly being forced to DECIDE. Do something the makes you feel good about yourself
  2. If you are tempted to lust, if your trigger is loneliness – don’t sit there and battle your favourite sin and give in. Phone a friend, go for a coffee, find a book to read, go get a snack, take a walk in a park, go where there are people.
  3. If exhaustion triggers you to anger – improve your sleep regime, reduce your emotions and find some way to relax a little more. Be a little more PATIENT with yourself. SMILE. Find some HUMOUR.

For all your EXCESSES or OVERS – take the time to reflect on the source of your uncomfortable vice/s and attack the source.

It takes time to create new habits – time to remove or reduce bad habits.

When you define and attack the source – success is not far away. You can PLUG the HOLE of EXCESSES.

Your Inner Motor